Intimacy

I was young and naive once. Don’t laugh too hard,
we all were. And when I was, I equated intimacy with, well, sex.
Or the clandestine touching and kissing that may or may not
have been leading up to it. The rushed whispering of “Can I”s
and “Let me”s. The relinquishing of clothing.
The offering of oneself piece by piece. 
 
You have taught me that intimacy does not come in pieces.
That it is neither the desire for or the act of nudity, not its touch or taste.
It does not, in fact, even necessitate these things.
It is, perhaps, the feeling of nakedness, of wanting shamelessly
to lay myself bare before you. It is wanting to shout the boldest of “Let me”s,
“Let me give you all of me.” 
 
It is seeing that gift appreciated fully. It is learning the true meaning of the word
acceptance. It can play, like tickle wars in between bouts of kissing,
but that play has purpose–intoxicating, stimulating, your smile is the highest high
It is your tongue in the gap between my two front teeth, your words saying you
love even this hidden part of me. It is not caring whether I’ve shaved.
It is bed head and morning breath after the best sleep I’ve ever had every night with you.

It is wanting to spend every night with you. It is embarrassing stories from
elementary school and the tenderest of teasings. It is both talking freely and
having comfortably quiet time. It is knowing the weight of your head in my lap.
It is honesty. It is never needing to put on a brave face.
It is pure unadulterated fascination at the wonder that is you.
It is “I need us” over “I need you”. It is “Share my life.”
   
I used to believe that love was an impossible dream.
I once thought happiness was an emotion rather than a state of being.
I didn’t know growth could stem from joy.
I was blind to the difference between frenzy and fervor.  
In the past, I mistook physicality for intimacy.
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About alaiyo0685

I'm a kind of quirky, pretty stubborn, way too opinionated, twenty-something, intellectual, introspective, queer, Black, female, in a polyamorous relationship, and this is where I try to figure out my life.

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