Disclaimer: I am going to talk about porn. If this offends you, there is non-sexual social commentary in the previous post; keep scrolling.
I am talking about porn for two reasons. 1) Because one of my favorite bloggers, Ev’Yan over at Sex, Love, and Liberation, asked me to, and 2) because I think it’s stupid that society treats it as something that shouldn’t be openly talked about, especially by a woman. And we all know I don’t stand for stupid.
So, Ev’Yan, followers, people of the internet: I have a declaration to make. I, too, am a woman who enjoys watching porn! I also like reading erotic literature [the real stuff, though I’ll settle for a “romance novel” if I’m feeling particularly sappy], but the visuals get me off faster. When I have a nice extended period of time to devote to self-pleasure, I like to read naughty stories with real porn playing on a separate tab so I can hear it–the combo of words and sounds drives me crazy.
She asked what my first experience with porn was like. I’m not sure I’ve told anyone this story in full, so yay secrets time! I was twelve. This may seem shockingly young to most of you, but it should be noted that getting my period at the age of 9 meant learning about my body very early, including how to make it feel good. I had been masturbating for quite some time already, but I discovered porn when I was twelve. I discovered it by accident, with my female cousin (age 11 at the time). We had been watching some movie on Cinemax earlier in the day [small things I miss about living in a two-parent household: we could once afford movie channels] and then we put a DVD in to watch with my little brother and sister. The movie finished after whatever time Cinemax becomes “Skinemax,” and when we switched back to TV mode from Video mode, two White couples were just starting to get busy in the middle of a campsite. There were children present (my brother and sister, who were 7 and 8 at the time), so we switched the channel as soon as we recognized that there were boobies on the screen–they barely had enough time to say “Ewww.” Then, since it was late, my cousin and I sent the kids upstairs to bed, then settled back down in front of the TV. I don’t remember how we came to the agreement that we were going to turn back to Cinemax, but we turned the volume nearly all the way down [the better to potentially hear people coming down the stairs] and got under the blankets we were laying on on the floor and pushed the last button on the remote. It should be noted that this cousin and I talked about sex a lot–whenever one of us would hear something from a friend or catch a glimpse of something we shouldn’t have seen in a movie, we would dutifully report it to the other the next time we hung out. Our Barbies had sexytime. So this didn’t seem weird at all. We were laying on our stomachs, eyes glued to screen, and sometime during the movie I realized that I was more turned on than I had ever been in my entire [short] life, and my hand began to drift downward. I tried to not be that into it, lest she notice, but eventually I could tell she was paying attention and so I stopped and slowly brought my hand back up. When it was back outside the covers, she grabbed my wrist, pulled my hand towards her face, and inhaled, then said, “You nasty.” I gave her an I-don’t-know-what-you’re-talking-about look, but remember feeling relieved that if she recognized the actions and the scent, that meant she did it too.
We began to seek out porn late at night whenever she was sleeping over at my house, which was pretty often back then. Eventually my family cancelled its subscription to Cinemax, though, and my days of watching porn with another person were dead until I was with J the summer after my senior year of high school. He noticed that watching people give blowjobs turns me on. (It still does, as long as there’s no spitting.) Oh that’s right, Ev’Yan also wanted to know what kind of porn I like.
I’m pretty open: I have gotten off to M-F, M-M, F-F, M-M-F, M-F-F, MtoF-M, all kinds of crazy orgies…I think that’s about it. I watch two-person straight porn the most frequently by far, though. I can’t fuck with old people, very overweight people, BDSM, or gang-banging though. Or anything illegal.
“My porn preference says nothing about who I am as a person; yours most likely doesn’t either.People like what they like because they like it, & to have our identities wrapped around the kind of erotic images we gaze upon is dangerous. I believe that the porn we view has little to do with the inner workings of our personalities & more to do with raw, instinctual carnality.
We fuck, therefore we enjoy images of fucking.” –Ev’Yan
In light of that, I feel comfortable revealing to you all that my go-to kind of porn is pretty degrading, the kind that feminists and really just women everywhere are/should probably be against. I really really love public-drunk-party-girl sex. Like, in the middle of the kind of wild crazy house party one associates with “college” but I will never actually see the likes of, when people just start getting it on on the couch in the living room with a crowd watching/cheering/recording. The person-who-cares-deeply-about-the-state-of-humanity and was-she-really-in-a-state-to-consent in me is shut up entirely by the wannabe-exhibitionist who is entirely enthralled. I’m also a big fan of threesomes, particularly if they feature an MMF train. Nuru massage porn is the shit too–I actually wanna try that shit. I tend to watch more White porn than Black porn, just because it’s harder to find Black porn that isn’t audibly degrading to the woman involved, imho. Visually, I’m a big fan of amateur porn and will turn it off if there is music in the background distracting me from the sounds of sex, but when it comes to erotica I like there to be a story and can get pretty caught up in like, series. There is also one genre of erotica that I love to read but would never watch porn of because it would be disturbing, harmful to the people involved, and illegal. I’m not telling any more than that.