Things I Wish I’d Learned in Sex Ed

This post was inspired by one on Met Another Frog.

  • That my own pleasure is valuable and important. 
  • That heteronormativity is not the path to enlightenment.
  • That labels are played out (as is the term “played out”) and that sexuality can be fluid.
  • That women should not be condemned for recognizing their nature as sexual beings with sexual desires and needs. I like porn and erotic literature. I masturbate. I like sex. I like to suck dick. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to suck on titties that aren’t my own. And guess what?! All of those things are perfectly okay and normal and I’m not ashamed of any of them. But I wish I’d learned that I don’t have to be earlier.
  • That, while you should never do something you’re not comfortable with sexually, you also shouldn’t be afraid to try new things or experiment if you want to. That if you’re always self-conscious about what you look like naked or what you do or don’t know how to do or what you second-guess your ability at, you won’t ever lose yourself in the moment and just enjoy it. That an awkward moment or two doesn’t necessarily kill the mood. That thinking about how x or y thing makes you look in bed unnecessarily intellectualizes the physical process.
  • That sex isn’t scary, and it doesn’t have to be a big fucking deal. That as long as you’re being safe, there’s not really anything to worry about. It’s a decision that has risks and benefits, much like…anything else. That it doesn’t have to change things.
  • That it’s okay to talk about sex in an open forum, rather than just behind a closed door that everyone is embarrassed to walk though.
  • That having sex outside of a relationship does not mean one is a slut. And perhaps sex with someone who doesn’t mean the world to you lets you lose your inhibitions more easily than does sex with a particularly significant other. Or perhaps this being more open thing just comes with experience.
  • How to talk in bed. I’ve realized it’s a social situation in which I’m uncharacteristically quiet, and I’m not sure I approve.

About alaiyo0685

I'm a kind of quirky, pretty stubborn, way too opinionated, twenty-something, intellectual, introspective, queer, Black, female, in a polyamorous relationship, and this is where I try to figure out my life.

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