If I have learned anything in the last two and a half months, it is the incredible power of being open and honest about your desires: what you want, what you’re looking for, what excites you. It’s scary, because we live in a society that teaches us from a really early age that openness and honesty are things we can have “too much” of. In a world where third graders send their best friends across the playground to tell a boy she thinks he’s cute, it takes a lot of work for grown folk to be able to say, “I like you.” “You intrigue me.” “____________ is what I’m looking for. Does that work for you?” But goddamn, statements like that are powerful.
I have had so many conversations I didn’t think were possible recently. I am being deliberately cryptic, because reasons, but certain aspects of my life are entirely unrecognizable to me in decidedly wonderful and exciting ways. Tbh, I kind of feel like my life is rapidly becoming a cool Black queer-influenced Sex and the City, which, ngl, is pretty awesome. #qpocdoitbetter
I’ve had a couple people recently ask me what prompted this…let’s call it a philosophical shift, and I’ll admit that it was definitely quite circumstantial as opposed to being a Thing I Independently Gave Thought to And Decided was Worth Exploration, but…I don’t think that makes it bad, or a poor life choice, or a sign that I am weak and impressionable. I think that I’m all about things developing organically. I always have been…but this is the first time I am actively bringing intentionality into that organic development, making sure everyone involved is on the same page about what we want and what we’re doing. I am being deliberate about my shit. And well, when I put it like that, it seems pretty obvious that this has had quite positive effects. I might not have gotten here if things with this specific person hadn’t developed the way they did/have/are, but here…fits.
Everything is new and different and sometimes even a little scary, but the scariness is a discomfort I am excited about, if not always necessarily comfortable in. I…like this. It feels like a delicious adventure, and at the same time it feels totally normal. But the best part is, I know for a fact that other involved parties have been where I am now, so when it gets scary, I’m not alone. #OpenandHonest is a mantra I’ve had for a long time. It failed miserably when first adopted, but I’ve gotten better at being straight up with myself and others since then, and omg when it works it just might be wonderful.