Monthly Archives: November 2013

I’m struggling as a woman. I’m struggling as a Puerto Rican woman. I’m struggling as a Muslim Puerto Rican woman. I’m struggling with Hispanic people not accepting me. I’m struggling with men not accepting me. I’m struggling with Muslims not accepting me. I look in the mirror and I see a person who is tired. I see a person who could do better. I see a fighter. I see the aftermath of a survivor surviving.

–Valo Torres

(via Queering the Game of Life)


When nobody else celebrates you, learn to celebrate yourself. When nobody else compliments you, then compliment yourself. It’s not up to other people to keep you encouraged. It’s up to you. Encouragement should come from the inside.

–Joel Osteen

(via hi I’m currently obsessed)

I am conflicted about this quote. On the one hand, I am ALL. ABOUT. self-celebration. Like, hi that’s the whole purpose of this little corner of the internet I’m maintaining [on which this is my 2,500th post! Woot woot!]. Celebrating yourself, complimenting yourself, and encouraging yourself are actions I am absolutely here for 24/7/365.

But also, your relationships with other people, with inanimate objects, with written words, with the world as a whole should involve celebrating you. You should surround yourself with people who compliment and encourage you. Nothing happens in isolation, especially not growth, and it *is* up to you to seek out networks that will support and sustain you.

So yes yes yes do all the things Joel said. But also build bridges with people and things that will do those things for and with you too.

For years mental health professionals taught people that they could be psychologically healthy without social support, that “unless you love yourself, no one else will love you.”…The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation.

–Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D. — “The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog”

(via Queering the Game of Life)

I came out to my dad today.

Both as queer and as poly. Let us cite this as further evidence that the spirit of openness is invading seriously all of my relationships.

It started off with him asking me some stuff about [Booskie]. I don’t remember what the actual question/statement was, but I responded with something like this:

Me: It’s not that serious. He’s not, like, my boyfriend or whatever. We’re–

Dad: Y’all are just ‘hanging out.’

Me: Right. And he’s not the only person I’m hanging out with. I’m not the only person he’s seeing.

Dad: I didn’t know that. But he’s the only one who gets mentioned, so I thought that maybe he’s like, at the top of the list?

Me: I only mention him because I was trying to avoid conversations like this with you and Mommy wherein I try to explain the various levels of my relationships. But, actually, if you must know, there is an interesting new person so it’s unclear who’s at the top of the list these days.

Daddy: Okay. And we’re being open, right, so I’ma just ask this. In the times we’re living in today…are any of the other people who approach you ever women?

[My internal monologue: SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK WHAT DO I EVEN SAY TO THAT?! This is what I get for talmbout how I’m thankful for openness this year. Karma, you’re a bitch.]

Me: …Yes.

Dad: And…how do you respond to that?

Me: I’m…open to it.

Dad: Oh! Are you?

Me: I mean, I’ve never like, dated a woman. But things have happened with people and stuff.

Dad: And are you telling me this now because deep down you’ve always thought I’d be okay with that?

Me: I am telling you this now because you asked. I’m not gonna lie to you. But it is not information I was planning to volunteer unless it became relevant.

Dad: And if I was your mother sitting here across from you asking you this question, you would have given her the same answer?

Me: Mommy wouldn’t ask me this question. These are not things we talk about.

Here my dad launched into this heartfelt speech about how he doesn’t want to just have conversations that are limited to “things that are okay to talk about” anymore, and how as a man of his age he’s really beginning to feel like he’s losing connections with people, and doesn’t want to just be a voice on the phone. He wants to know me, and can’t do that when I’m not telling him about big aspects of my life. Yada yada yada we’ve had this conversation before. Every time I walk away from it feeling some kind of way because I get that he’s trying but I don’t actually have any desire for him to be among the people I talk about real shit with. I compromised and gave him a little bit more information about the other two people I’m involved with right now, and told myself that I will start mentioning them as facts of my life the same way I mention [Booskie].

About half an hour later, as we were driving back to my house from getting breakfast at IHOP, he asked me where all the people who live in my new place in DC park. I told him that only C and A have cars, and we have two spots in the back, so that works out perfectly. I then decided that I would give him a little test of how ready he is for more openness in our conversations.

Me: There is street parking in front of the house too, but it’s zoned. We have a parking pass for visitors though, so like, when [Booskie] stays over, he can park out front with the pass and it’s fine.

Dad: [Booskie] stays?!?? *misses turn as we’re driving*

…He ain’t ready.

By comparison, domestic violence is downright controversial. It touches on complicated issues like power, rape culture, victim-blaming, and gender roles, and stirs up uncomfortable emotions. While few people would claim they support abusers, many known perpetrators of domestic violence — from Roman Polanski to Chris Brown to a number of football players — remain venerated cultural figures. Is it any wonder that, even though domestic violence affects many more women and families, breast cancer is the issue we’ve all come to associate with October? Every year 232,340 women are diagnosed with invasive breast cancer; 1.3 million are assaulted by their husbands or boyfriends. One in eight women will suffer from breast cancer in her lifetime. One in four will experience domestic violence. Good luck finding that statistic on a yogurt lid this month.

–Ann Friedman, NY Magazine

(via knowledge equals black power)

The gun “accidentally” went off. The killer is “coincidentally” white. The dead woman is “unfortunately” black. These murders “oddly” keep happening. It’s all an “accident”, a “coincidence”, “unfortunate”, like slavery & Jim Crow & the KKK & the prison industrial complex & racist drug laws & police brutality.

–Remi Kanazi

(via knowledge equals black power)

The big lie about capitalism is that everyone can be rich. That’s impossible. Capitalism works only if the vast majority of the population are kept poor enough to never quit working, are kept poor enough to accept distasteful jobs society cannot function without. If everyone were a millionaire, who would empty the trash or repair the sewers? It follows that the poorer the general population is made, the greater the worth of the money held by the wealthy, in terms of the lives which may be bought and sold with it.

–Michael Rivero

(via spinsterette)