Sometimes I like to re-imagine my sex life as a video game, with like, stats and goals and shiny gold stars. Go with me on this like it’s normal. In that vein, achievements unlocked this weekend:

  • I-need-you-right-now-I-don’t-even-want-to-waste-time-getting-fully-undressed sex
  • Sex outside under the stars
  • Sex in a hammock
  • Keeping your cool when you’re walked in on mid-thrust
  • Sex with two different partners on the same day
  • Sex with your hands cuffed behind your back

Because obviously there should be merit badges for this shit.

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