I came out to my dad today.

Both as queer and as poly. Let us cite this as further evidence that the spirit of openness is invading seriously all of my relationships.

It started off with him asking me some stuff about [Booskie]. I don’t remember what the actual question/statement was, but I responded with something like this:

Me: It’s not that serious. He’s not, like, my boyfriend or whatever. We’re–

Dad: Y’all are just ‘hanging out.’

Me: Right. And he’s not the only person I’m hanging out with. I’m not the only person he’s seeing.

Dad: I didn’t know that. But he’s the only one who gets mentioned, so I thought that maybe he’s like, at the top of the list?

Me: I only mention him because I was trying to avoid conversations like this with you and Mommy wherein I try to explain the various levels of my relationships. But, actually, if you must know, there is an interesting new person so it’s unclear who’s at the top of the list these days.

Daddy: Okay. And we’re being open, right, so I’ma just ask this. In the times we’re living in today…are any of the other people who approach you ever women?

[My internal monologue: SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK WHAT DO I EVEN SAY TO THAT?! This is what I get for talmbout how I’m thankful for openness this year. Karma, you’re a bitch.]

Me: …Yes.

Dad: And…how do you respond to that?

Me: I’m…open to it.

Dad: Oh! Are you?

Me: I mean, I’ve never like, dated a woman. But things have happened with people and stuff.

Dad: And are you telling me this now because deep down you’ve always thought I’d be okay with that?

Me: I am telling you this now because you asked. I’m not gonna lie to you. But it is not information I was planning to volunteer unless it became relevant.

Dad: And if I was your mother sitting here across from you asking you this question, you would have given her the same answer?

Me: Mommy wouldn’t ask me this question. These are not things we talk about.

Here my dad launched into this heartfelt speech about how he doesn’t want to just have conversations that are limited to “things that are okay to talk about” anymore, and how as a man of his age he’s really beginning to feel like he’s losing connections with people, and doesn’t want to just be a voice on the phone. He wants to know me, and can’t do that when I’m not telling him about big aspects of my life. Yada yada yada we’ve had this conversation before. Every time I walk away from it feeling some kind of way because I get that he’s trying but I don’t actually have any desire for him to be among the people I talk about real shit with. I compromised and gave him a little bit more information about the other two people I’m involved with right now, and told myself that I will start mentioning them as facts of my life the same way I mention [Booskie].

About half an hour later, as we were driving back to my house from getting breakfast at IHOP, he asked me where all the people who live in my new place in DC park. I told him that only C and A have cars, and we have two spots in the back, so that works out perfectly. I then decided that I would give him a little test of how ready he is for more openness in our conversations.

Me: There is street parking in front of the house too, but it’s zoned. We have a parking pass for visitors though, so like, when [Booskie] stays over, he can park out front with the pass and it’s fine.

Dad: [Booskie] stays?!?? *misses turn as we’re driving*

…He ain’t ready.


About alaiyo0685

I'm a kind of quirky, pretty stubborn, way too opinionated, twenty-something, intellectual, introspective, queer, Black, female, in a polyamorous relationship, and this is where I try to figure out my life.

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