It annoys me when folks refer to having sex as “being intimate,” as if the two necessarily go hand in hand. Sometimes sex is a beautiful act that embodies lots of connection and emotion, sometimes it’s just a bit of fun between people of any level of involvement, and sometimes it can even feel like a chore. It is a neutral thing with no inherent significance or specific set of feelings attached.

On Friday, I experienced new levels of sex-based intimacy. After I told [Booskie] a long story about a complicated but overall kind of shitty situation between myself and a mutual friend of ours, he entirely lightened the mood of conversation by switching to entirely inappropriate for the office gchatting. I get realllllly turned on talking about what we’d each like to try or do more of sexually; I’ve never felt any shame or really anything but pure acceptance when we’re having conversations of that nature, and the combination of natural-flowing conversation, taboo subject matter, and mutual excitement creates an incredible feeling. Two young queer Black folks talking openly about wanting to explore kinky-of-center shit with one another is a thing I am always here for, even when I’m not involved, lol. So after we’d basically gotten one another all worked up, he asked what I was up to later that night…

Answering that question would require broaching territory I had never broached with anyone I’ve ever been involved with before, territory I had in fact been consciously avoiding for the entire time [Booskie] and I have been seeing one another: period sex. My period is usually quite regular, and so I put it on my Google Calendar as days that I am busy and just don’t talk about it. But this is my first period after getting my IUD last month, and it has been quite interesting: it started early, featured some of the worst cramps of my life, and has currently been running for three days longer than usual. We’d talked about it a little on Wednesday when the cramps had me feeling particularly like death, so I didn’t think it would come as a surprise to him, and the combination of overwhelming acceptance I felt radiating from him and the fact that I was already soaking wet just from our gchatting led me to just be open with him, like always.

Me: i have no plans for tonight or anytime this weekend. but my period isn’t over yet and idk how you feel about that. i will not be offended if you’re not about it

[Booskie]: is it heavy? im usually pretty good about it but sometimes i get squeamish lol

Me: nah it’s dwindling so it’s not so bad. …i’ve actually never had period sex before.

[Booskie]: well how do you feel about it? and would you mind if i came over later tonight?

Me: i’m not against it in any way. i guess it feels like a thing that requires a certain level of comfort and real talk i’ve never been sleeping with anybody for this long before. but i would love it if you came over later!

[Booskie]: sweet!

So at this point I was super excited, because spending time with [Booskie] is always ridiculously comfortable and pleasurable and all-around amazing, but I was also suuuuper nervous. I may have spent longer than I’m willing to admit Googling “period sex tips” and talking to female friends about the delicacy of the situation and any relevant experience they might have. I gave myself a self-pampering hour in preparation: I washed my hair, shaved, and then soaked in a tub with bath salts and essential oils while I deep conditioned my hair and did a face mask. This process usually leaves me feeling sexy as hell, so it was definitely a confidence boost. I finally decided that in the moment, I would likely feel really comfortable just because it’s him, and I’ve never felt uncomfortable with him, but recognizing that wasn’t doing anything for how much I was freaking out while I waited for him to arrive, haha. I put on cute dark underwear, jeans that I know he loves to see my ass in, and a shirt that makes my titties look huge. I looked at myself in the mirror, decided this was about as good as it was gonna get, and laid down to watch some HIMYM while I waited for him to get here.

I will gloss over the details, but suffice it to say that it was like nothing was different or weird at all. Normally during this time of the month, I feel gross and disgusting and fat and like I don’t want to see anyone who I want to think I’m cute, let alone actually want to sleep with anyone, but he made me feel as sexy and desirable as he always makes me feel, and that was mind-blowing. We didn’t worry about towels or rushing to shower after…we just wrapped ourselves around one another and went to sleep like always. I felt so incredibly safe and secure in this in a way I just have never felt before. This was a new level of intimacy, the embodiment of the overwhelming acceptance I always feel from him. But even more, this made me feel wanted in a new and all-encompassing way, wanted in a messy, complicated, whole person even in my gross moments way. Like my gross moments weren’t even that gross to him, which is a feeling I’ve had about him too. In the course of telling him the complicated shitty story about our mutual friend, sharing more about what turns us on, and then literally opening myself up to him in one of my own messy moments, I was met with nothing but complete acceptance and equal enthusiasm. Last week when we got together after an unfortunately long hiatus, [Booskie] asked me why I’m so good to him. I didn’t have an answer for him, besides that being good to him feels good to me, but I think that now I understand what he was feeling then. No one has ever been this good to me before.

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