Monthly Archives: May 2014

On Friendship

On Friendship


…the magic of white supremacy is that its presence is obscured by the focus on race. When a black teenager is unfairly profiled by police, we say it’s “because of the color of his skin,” which—as a construction—avoids the racism at play, from the segregated neighborhood the officer patrols to the pervasive belief in black criminality that shapes our approach to crime. Likewise, it obscures the extent to which this isn’t just different treatment— it’s unequal treatment rooted in unequal conditions.

Jamelle BouieWhy Do Millennials Not Understand Racism?

(via KEW)

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.

–Jim Morrison

(via Thought Catalog)

Being Each-Other-Aware

A conversation happened with [Booskie] today that addressed some things I’ve been feeling like I should probably say and some things I think I’ve needed to hear for a little while now. It was not a dramatic conversation, or one that led to any concrete action steps or “solutions,” but I’m really glad we had it. The issue that we discussed is likely always going to be a part of our relationship, and so I’m glad to know that we can talk openly about how it affects us. As always, just being able to say “these are things that don’t feel good” within our relationship in the same metaphorical breath as I say “I love you” and “I’m not going anywhere” kind of blows me away a little. I’m pretty green when it comes to relationships I think are worth legitimate vulnerability and perseverance, but I think I’m learning. 

I’m learning that no matter how long you sit around thinking about an issue, trying to figure out how it looks from the other side, I don’t think that anything can beat just sitting down with someone and saying “This is where I’m at” and having them tell you where they’re at. Being able to be honest and vulnerable about how you feel without trying to squish those feelings into How-Can-We-Fix-This-sized boxes is maybe something I’ve underrated, as a person who naturally gravitates towards pragmatism. Maybe this ties into my New Year’s Resolution as well, in terms of striving to do less packaging of my emotions to make sure they’re presentable; how I feel doesn’t have to boil down a list of actionable requests or plans — just stating my feelings and having them acknowledged is meaningful and helpful and does good work. Each of us being really self-aware about how we feel is so much more useful when we’re each-other-aware too.