The hardest part about being poly for me isn’t the scheduling or the fits of jealousy or the emotional complexity. The hardest part is literally finding people with whom I want to share myself and my life. I’ve never been the type to go on dates often, and you can add up all the relationships I was ever in pre-[Booskie] and not get 6 months of my life. This shit doesn’t come easy for me.
Recently, I’ve also found the financials to be a bit difficult to manage. My account was pretty low when [Booskie] needed some help a couple weeks ago, mostly due to work travel and the fact that my paydays are a week later than errybody else’s. We made it through, though shit got real tight for each of us, and I had two interesting thoughts: a) how much money did I waste going out with [Lady] that could have better been utilized in this situation, and b) I brought myself down to $19 available dollars to my name for this man, and while that terrifies me, I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
Neither of those things makes me feel like I’m in the greatest of places to be exploring new partnerships. But I also feel like if it’s not good to keep letting myself be comfortable only being with him. It makes me greedy, which then leads to a weird pre-dissatisfaction when I know I can’t have the more and more that I want.
Me: *casually goes on Tinder somewhat as a way to pass the time and somewhat out of a sense that I should be at least semi-actively looking for an additional partner(s)*
Me: *swipes left on 98% of the people I see, simultaneously feeling lucky to be with someone as wholly awesome as [Booskie] when there are so many people in this city I find unremarkable at best and worried that no one in this pool of people is ever going to even feel worth talking to in light of how happy and satisfied I already am.*
Me: *finds ONE dude to whom I am legitimately attracted and who sounds like he could be a cool person.*
Me: *swipes right.*
Tinder: It’s a match! You and Bruce have liked each other. Why don’t you send him a message?
Me: *smiles. Decides to message him in the morning. Goes back on Tumblr.*
Phone: *makes a sound I don’t recognize*
Me: *checks notifications*
Tinder: You have a new message from Bruce!
Bruce: Nice breasts.
Me: FOR REAL THO FUCK THIS LOOKING FOR NEW PEOPLE SHIT.
Me: *reports Bruce to Tinder. Gives up on this new people thing for a little while longer.*