Day 11: Soulmate #30Layers30Days

Describe what the term ‘soulmate’ means to you and whether or not you are embodying that meaning for yourself. 

In other words, are you your own soulmate? Is your relationship with yourself intimate and kind, supportive and unconditional? 

I am trying. That’s what this space is for. I do not subscribe to the idea that one must love themselves before they can love someone else, because self-love is a never-ending journey, but I do think we should support ourselves the way we support our friends.

I am always trying to know myself better, to understand the parts of me I don’t quite have mapped out yet. I beat myself up a lot, about the tiniest, most insignificant of things. Tiny mishaps at work, or, for instance, I self-identify as a planner, and when plans I’ve made go wrong in some way, I feel like a failure. But I come to my own defense on the tails of my self-belittlement.

I am allowed to be imperfect. I am allowed to be insecure. I am allowed to be illogical. I am allowed to be a mess. I am allowed to feel. I am allowed to not know what to do. These are the things I remind myself when I have been unkind to me.

I have to constantly tell myself that I don’t have to have it all figured out. That there doesn’t always have to be a plan. That trying is enough, that I have room to get better. That I am still learning and growing. Always. That’s the only condition for my self-kindness and self-support, that I always be on the road to being better.

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About alaiyo0685

I'm a kind of quirky, pretty stubborn, way too opinionated, twenty-something, intellectual, introspective, queer, Black, female, in a polyamorous relationship, and this is where I try to figure out my life.

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