Day 22: If They Knew #30Layers30Days

If they knew __________ , they would know why I __________.
(Interpret this however you like.)

If they knew how much I craved nurturing when I was growing up, they would know why I try to play that role in so many of my relationships now. I try to be the caretaker I needed for myself and for the people  I love.

If they knew how many times I didn’t have food in the kitchen or the electricity or the water got cut off due to non-payment in my childhood, they would know why I’ll do whatever I can to not let money fuck up the lives of the people I love.

If they knew how often I felt like an outsider, totally alone, they would know why I value being a “we,” a “team,” so much.

If they knew how often I was rejected for being too much or too intense, how often I’ve been told to turn it down a notch, they would know why I’m so scared of vulnerability sometimes. They might even get why I feel like I have to do it.

Advertisements

About alaiyo0685

I'm a kind of quirky, pretty stubborn, way too opinionated, twenty-something, intellectual, introspective, queer, Black, female, in a polyamorous relationship, and this is where I try to figure out my life.

2 thoughts on “Day 22: If They Knew #30Layers30Days

  1. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading each and every post you’ve written for the #30Layers30Days challenge. I can’t count how many times something you said struck me with such force, a knot in my throat, a light in my head turned on. Wow. I’m so thankful to have discovered your blog. Sending you love and appreciation. xoxo

    1. This comment means so much to me! I’ve been following your blog for a while now, but this was the first time I felt up to the challenge of doing one of your monthly challenges. I really respect and admire you, your writing, and the space you’ve carved out for yourself online, and so to hear you say this really really warms my heart. Sending you love and appreciation right back!
      -Maya

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s