Day 24: Nice to Know #30Layers30Days

What ideas/concepts/beliefs do you have that you find it hard to act on?  What advice do you give to others that you have trouble taking for yourself?  In what ways do you know better, but find it hard to do better?

I believe that being as open and as honest as you possibly can is the best way to carry yourself in your relationships and generally in your life, but I don’t always know how to do this in each and every moment of each and every relationship. I don’t know how to be that open with my parents. I don’t know that my successes at work would be bolstered by total openness with my coworkers. Where does one draw the line between respect and respectability? And living/relating openly and honestly can’t mean never having a filter, right? These are things I’m still working to figure out.

Also, “you should talk to [him/her/them] about it” is probably a statement that is said to me as often as it comes out of my mouth. I like to know what I am going to say and how I am going to say it before I enter into conversations. It’s one of my strategies for clear communication. This is a large part of why I love the internet. (And notes/letters.) What this leads to in practical terms is me having what I like to call pre-conversations: conversations with other people in my inner circle to try to hash out a thing I’m thinking about before (or sometimes after if I think the conversation is to be continued) I present my feelings to the person they’re about. Today these have been happening around the concept of bringing one’s significant other home to meet one’s family during the holidays. Eventually I would like to be able to get to a place where I can be vulnerable enough to present my raw and un-hashed-out feelings to the relevant person without needing these pre-talks first, but talking about how I feel still makes me anxious. I did this with JJ on Friday night, though, and we had a good in person talk about a thing that is sort of awkward and said how we both feel about it and came up with some action steps to try to address it and it was awesome. So, I’m not sure if this counts — I know better, and I usually eventually manage to do better, but getting to that is not without difficulty.

Ooooh, I’ve got one that definitely counts. I can tell other people all day long that it is not their job to do X or fix Y or be Z in their relationships with other people, but never not feel like I have to be superwoman in my own relationships. I tell other people to stand up for themselves while simultaneously always trying to bend with the breeze. I support people saying “I can’t do that” and “I don’t want to do that,” but find it really hard to say those words myself.


About alaiyo0685

I'm a kind of quirky, pretty stubborn, way too opinionated, twenty-something, intellectual, introspective, queer, Black, female, in a polyamorous relationship, and this is where I try to figure out my life.

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