Day 26: Quality v. Quantity #30Layers30Days

Do you prefer to take life slowly, leaving space and unplanned time to breathe and process everything?  Do you prefer small, intimate gatherings?


Do you prefer to keep yourself busy with every moment scheduled, always on the go, energized by the hustle and flow?  Do you prefer to be surrounded by lots of people?

Ah, the classic introvert v. extrovert question. I’ve been wondering if it was going to come to this — I’ve already commented that some of the posts have felt “too introverty” for me (though I’ve been able to answer them all, so I’m not quite sure what that means about my assessment of my own levels of introversion…).

In fact, even online Myers-Briggs tests get confused about whether I’m an extrovert or an introvert. Every time I take it, my E/I type and/or percentage change. These days I most regularly show a slight to moderate preference for extroversion over introversion. I guess I agree with that? The first question in this prompt is intended for introverted folks, but it resonates with me more deeply than the second question. Where introverts usually lose me is in their preference/need for time spent alone. I can handle an evening to myself now and then, but there is almost never a time that I could be given the option of spending time with someone(s) I really care about and choose to spend the night by myself instead, unless I’m in dire need of clean laundry or something.

Boo is definitely introverted. I suppose I have become more comfortable, for instance, staying in for most of the weekend, since we started dating. But like, inside there are snuggles and there is not a need for pants. I identify as an extrovert mostly because the statement “I draw my energy from spending time with people” really really resonates with me — he is top tier level energy-resonance for me, so spending all weekend in with him is an energy boost, whereas laying around in my undies wrapped in blankets and watching Netflix by myself all weekend would be quite draining for me.

I like doing things out in the world. I like having things on my calendar to look forward to. I try to bring those opportunities into our relationship without pressuring him into too many social outings. I think we’ve been balancing it pretty well for the most part. What I don’t like is being busy for the sake of being busy. I spent my first 6 months of big city life doing that, and I felt it running me into the ground. Giving myself permission to be able to say, “Sorry, I’m not going to be able to make it…” was life-changing. Crowds for the sake of crowds are similarly not a thing I’m about — but I love spending time with groups of people who are important to me. Like, I would take Reunions over one of the Drink the District festivals any day of the week.

I like to have easy access to people, but not necessarily to be surrounded by them all the time. For instance, I live in a large group house with 7 roommates. But I spend most of most nights in my room by myself — I can socialize when I want, but I can entertain myself on the internet just as easily. I like that. I’m not sure I could ever live by myself. When would my board games get played? Who would eat my cookies?

I think I’m most extroverted in the summertime. My summers are so heavily scheduled — every weekend someone is visiting, or I’m going somewhere to visit someone. I wear only dresses and stand in the sun and celebrate my friendships and myself. Then as the weather turns, I settle down into a bit of a hibernation.


About alaiyo0685

I'm a kind of quirky, pretty stubborn, way too opinionated, twenty-something, intellectual, introspective, queer, Black, female, in a polyamorous relationship, and this is where I try to figure out my life.

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