Day 30: Mantra #30Layers30Days

After going through this challenge, what has been your most poignant discovery?   Write a mantra for yourself that will remind you of how you want to feel and how you want to grow moving forward.

This post has taken a while, I know. A lot has been going on, both inside of me, in my little world and the little worlds of the people who mean the most to me, and in the world at large. I wanted to be in a place where I could really think about this unencumbered when I wrote this post. That place is apparently my mother’s bed in my childhood home.

Can a mantra be one word? I think I want my mantra to be trust. I think I say trust the way some people say “have faith.” I want to have trust. Trust in the knowledge that underlies all of my feelings. Trust in the security of my choices rather than giving in to the insecurities in my head. Trust in my voice, in my opinion, in my personality, in what I have to offer to my people and to, iono, the world. Trust in my own worthiness and value. Trust in love. Trust in the pain that happens on the way to growth. Trust in the journey. I want to trust all of these things enough to be courageous, to find out what’s on the other side of all of my fears. I want the courage to be even more open. I want the courage to work through the things I’m afraid to be open about. I want the courage to explore solutions to things that look like problems that aren’t me telling myself to change, to be different, to be better.

But I also want to be better. I think my most poignant discovery has been how much growing I have left to do. I’m coming up on my 5 year anniversary of writing/sharing in this space, and I have grown so much from the person I was when I started here. But growth just brings us to new opportunities for growth. There are levels to this shit. I have things to work on. I have places (real and virtual) to do that work, and people (in my daily life and with whom I primarily interact on the internet) to support me as I do it. Talking about my life as I discover and better myself is why I started blogging, and I can keep that mission and have things to talk about. I am more than my job and my relationships. I’m still a thing to talk about.

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About alaiyo0685

I'm a kind of quirky, pretty stubborn, way too opinionated, twenty-something, intellectual, introspective, queer, Black, female, in a polyamorous relationship, and this is where I try to figure out my life.

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