I am experiencing a lot of vorfreude these days.


(noun) A German untranslatable word, vorfreude is defined as the intense euphoric sensation you experience from thinking about future plans and daydreams. This beautiful feeling is a natural reaction the human mind manifests from expectations of future pleasures and joyful anticipations, such as planning a trip, going on a date, and many other fulfilling, life-changing events.

(via My Found Polyamory)

My mom burst out laughing Monday evening on the phone when I was telling her about the spreadsheet I made to track the apartments boo and I are looking at, and how we spent parts of Saturday comparing them and weighing pros and cons and color-coding. She reminded me that my love of spreadsheets dates back to the earliest of my college-considering days, and that my color-coding schemes have always been elaborate and understood by no one but me. I told her that color coding them was actually boo’s idea and she said we were perfect for each other.

Perfect is a lofty word. Nothing is perfect. I’m not perfect and he’s not perfect and our relationship is not perfect. But we want to be together and grow together and discover new things together and understand each other and share this chapter of our lives together, and though there are differences and gaps to bridge and sometimes ways are felt, my future plans and daydreams and spreadsheets all prominently feature Us in big letters. He feels like home to me and we are making moves towards sharing a home and the vorfreude that gives me feels a little bit like perfection sometimes.


About alaiyo0685

I'm a kind of quirky, pretty stubborn, way too opinionated, twenty-something, intellectual, introspective, queer, Black, female, in a polyamorous relationship, and this is where I try to figure out my life.

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