colorful-habit:

me: *dissociates for no reason at all and spends the whole day zoned out, emotionless and unable to focus*

me: this is fine

(via Heben Nigatu)

^This has been me for a few intense days at a time off and on for at least the past year (though “emotionless could be replaced with “consistently on the verge of tears”). It’s not fine. At the strong suggestion of a few of the people closest to me in life, I am seeing a therapist for the first time next week to talk about the degree to which I feel aimless and disconnected when I am not actively spending time with other people and how to find things to do outside of my relationship and friendships and job that are fulfilling. I’m a little bit scared at the idea, but something’s gotta change, and since my insurance covers it with a teeny tiny co-pay (#privilege), fear alone is no reason not to try this. I try not to talk myself out of self-care, and I need to retrain myself to think of speaking with a mental health professional as something anyone can do to take care of their emotional selves.

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