Empowering love is a way of loving another person such that we stop wanting to limit them, even if it means we don’t get what we want. Empowering love means that we want our loved one to pursue their happiness wherever it leads them, even if it leads them away from ourselves. Empowering love turns our limerence on its head, causing us to only value the enthusiastic attention of our partners. Empowering love is a key component of consent culture, and is one of the driving forces behind relationship anarchy.
–Wesley Fenza, Empowering Love
(via My Found Polyamory)
I can’t love him and want him to stop doing something or spending time with someone that brings him happiness because it is unpleasant for me. I can talk with him about boundaries I’d like to set and agreements I’d like to make to help ensure that discomfort does not bleed into hurt, that I don’t feel displaced or disregarded. I am not now, nor will I ever be, trying to force his hand. I am also not now, nor have I ever been, sure that this structure is one I can be satisfied with for the long-term future. I am sure that I want to try to let him be as fully himself, and let myself be as fully myself, as possible, while hopefully maintaining ourselves as an “us” for as long as that is a thing that feels good and right and wanted, for as long as we can both get what we need. I don’t want our relationship to be one of anyone making grand sacrifices for the others’ sake. So not sacrificing on my end means talking about what I need to feel okay with regard to his other partner visiting, and not sacrificing on his end means letting their relationship take whatever course it will take without undue direction from my feelings.