Things were simultaneously amazing and terrible. My primary relationship was quickly becoming the love of my life and my biggest heartbreak.
I started studying poly like it was my job. I thought if I could just figure it out logically, I could feel it and do it emotionally, but it seemed like the harder I tried to wrap my head around it, the worse it felt for me. I tried so hard to be what he wanted, to convince us both I was onboard. I wasn’t. I continued to ignore all the red flags, the gut feeling that this would break me, break us.
Oh my god these are feels I know. These are feels I know sooooooooooo well.