If my relationship changes, is that okay? Can I accommodate change, even unexpected change or change I don’t like?

It depends on the change. Is the change changing so that I have more, or changing so that I have less? Our relationship has changed substantially over the past two and a half-ish years, but generally speaking it has been changing such that it is a bigger part of my life. Changes that I don’t like are generally changes that mean I get less of the things that make my relationship a Relationship, which isn’t really okay for me. I suspect that a sustained/semi-permanent change that feels like it detracts from what I have with JJ would make me question whether I can stay in our relationship happily. I told him the other day that that would feel like a settling, which is the feeling we’ve always been trying to avoid. Then I said that “going back to actively sharing him, feeling like my time with him is limited by someone else’s time with him, feels like it would be a settling, because now I know what the other side is like.” I don’t want being with him to feel like a settling, and he doesn’t want it to either.


About alaiyo0685

I'm a kind of quirky, pretty stubborn, way too opinionated, twenty-something, intellectual, introspective, queer, Black, female, in a polyamorous relationship, and this is where I try to figure out my life.

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