What are my needs in relationships? Are they attached to specific people? That is, do I need these things generally, or do I need them just from certain people?

In relationships, I need companionship and intimacy, preferably both emotional and physical. It is strange for me to be close to someone I cannot casually touch. I need physical presence for a romantic relationship to be viable — time spent together and physical/sexual intimacy/touch are the defining things that set romantic relationships apart from close platonic friendships to me. I need quality time, easy affection, and regular consistent attention in romantic relationships. I need to feel accepted and supported. I need to feel like I can be emotionally vulnerable around this person safely. I need to feel valued by this person. I need being around that person to feel easy and right, not like something I’m forcing myself to do or struggling to find enjoyment in the majority of the time. For a romantic or otherwise sexual relationship, I need to feel sexual desire and sexually desired, and like I have free range of sexual expression. I need to feel reasonably sure that we both want the relationship to continue in the future. I need to share common interests and enjoy common activities with the person. I need to have fun with this person, to enjoy their company both alone and with others. In terms of what needs are attached to specific relationships, I couldn’t be in a non-sexual romantic relationship. Sex is an expression of romantic feeling, love, desire for my partner, closeness, and pleasure for me in romantic relationships; it is vital. I can have sex that is more purely pleasure-based and casual, but this doesn’t feel fulfilling or really even generally desirable outside of specific moments when I’m in a romantic relationship.


About alaiyo0685

I'm a kind of quirky, pretty stubborn, way too opinionated, twenty-something, intellectual, introspective, queer, Black, female, in a polyamorous relationship, and this is where I try to figure out my life.

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