When I visualize the kind of relationship I want, how much space does it leave for new partners to shape their relationship needs?

When I visualize the kind of relationship I want, there isn’t really room for other partners to exist for me. I can see myself bending to a point that would allow for a person who wants a less entwined relationship with him to exist within a fairly rigid structure. For instance, I could maybe deal with like, two nights a week regularly being his nights elsewhere with [other person]. Again, it’s not what I would prefer, but that might be an amount of space I could give. I don’t know for sure that I could, though, so trying to offer that would be scary. That still feels like I’m losing out on something; there is probably no reasonable way for him to have other partners without me losing out. I don’t know what would happen if the other person didn’t feel like that was enough space, though. I don’t want to feel like I’m left with half a partner when he gets to have multiple parts that make a whole. That just feels unfair on a basic level. The kind of relationship I want is towards the highest end on the scales of cohesion and entwinement. I don’t want to or feel capable of mixing and matching parts of several different people and relationships to create the levels of cohesion and entwinement and closeness and intimacy and companionship that I desire — everything in me wants to have as much of that as possible with one person, with a strong preference for that person to be JJ, as he’s the first person I’ve ever wanted to be that person. To mix and match and slide different people and relationships in to fill gaps in another feels like turning my need fulfillment into a bar graph, with separate lines that reach different levels, none going even close to the top, instead of a pie chart where everything comes together in one whole circle.

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About alaiyo0685

I'm a kind of quirky, pretty stubborn, way too opinionated, twenty-something, intellectual, introspective, queer, Black, female, in a polyamorous relationship, and this is where I try to figure out my life.

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