The person you love is not the same as they were when you first started loving them and they are not the same as they will be when you die. Love must be adaptive. Love must be smart enough and strong enough to survive constant change. Love must not be rigid.
(via Realistic Optimist)
We have been on a journey for almost two and a half years now, JJ and I. We have both changed in some ways and been incredibly consistent in others. We have both learned things about ourselves and about what we want and need from each other and from other people. Saying I love him now encompasses a different world of meanings than it did when we first said it almost two years ago. We are not un-used to change. That doesn’t mean we can adapt to anything, but it should serve as a reminder that we’ve survived some strong winds in the past.
What I hope that love is—whether platonic, romantic, familial, or communal—is the sincere wish that another person have what they need to be whole and develop themselves to their best capacity for joy or whatever fulfillment they’re seeking.
(via PolyLove Girl’s Blog)
I said something to JJ yesterday and he saw truth in it and I want to preserve it here to come back to in future times of “aljadlfjadl;jfa;sdf this shit is haaaaard.” I think that this is what commitment looks like to me.
Each of us has things we want and things we need from like, life, and from relationships generally, and from our relationship specifically. There is a good amount of overlap between us, but there is also a decent amount of things that are in one of our sides of the Venn diagram(s) but not in the middle. That is like, a normal part of being distinct human beings coming together to form an Us. Sometimes stretching ourselves in x or y way to accommodate a want or a need the other person has is scary or not the most comfortable thing in the world. But we consistently find ways to prioritize the things each of us want/need and prioritize Us and figure out how to make Us work around the wants and the needs, and I think that is a healthier and more functional version of relationshipping than necessarily trying to always have everything be the exact way that each of us wants them to be.
One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.
I act and react, and suddenly I wonder, ‘Where is the girl that I was last year? Two years ago? What would she think of me now?
—Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals
(via Learning Everyday…)
You aren’t flawed […] I don’t know whether you’ll be what your parents wanted you to be, but whatever you become, you’ll be complete. You’ll have within yourself everything you need to content yourself. Just follow what seems right to you.
–Octavia Butler, Adulthood Rites
Don’t look for peace. Don’t look for any other state than the one you are in now; otherwise, you will set up inner conflict and unconscious resistance. Forgive yourself for not being at peace. The moment you completely accept your non-peace, your non-peace becomes transmuted into peace. Anything you accept fully will get you there, will take you into peace. This is the miracle of surrender.